Holly'sWorld2.0

September 1, 2025 (Gregorian calendar/Day 243)
Monday, 26 Nehase 2017 (Ethiopian calendar/12th month)
Tsahim םיחצ 9 (Enochian calendar/6th month/shining of light)
August 20, 2025 (International Fixed calendar)
Lunar Moon 2, Gamma 10 (13 Moon calendar/first quarter moon)
~ Lunar Scorpion Moon of Challenge, August 23rd – September 19th
Hazel Moon: August 5 – September 1 (Celtic 13 Month calendar)
Day 10, 6th lunation at 59-68%, 6012 (lunisolar calendar)
13.0.12.15.17 13 Caban 15 Mol (Mauan Long Count calendar)
Pink Cadillac Day

The Nervous System Crash After Leaving Abuse

Why freedom can feel worse before it feels better….

You finally left (or kicked him out)
The relationship
The family system
The place that broke you in slow, invisible ways.

You expected relief.
Peace
Clarity

But what came was fog.
Tension
Tears for no reason
And a hollow ache that made you wonder if maybe you made a mistake.

But you didn’t.

This is the nervous system crash – the body’s delayed collapse after prolonged survival.
Because when you were in the chaos, you adapted.
Your system ran on cortisol.
Your body normalized tension.
Your mind found focus in the need to constantly predict danger.

And now, with no one to manage, no moods to scan, no threats to dodge –
your body finally realizes… it’s over.

But here’s the paradox:
Safety doesn’t feel safe at first.
Because your trauma taught you that stillness is suspicious.
That peace is the calm before the next storm.
That love will always have a hook.

In somatic therapy, this is called post-activation collapse.
Your body, once hypervigilant, enters a state of disorientation
– not because you’re broken,
but because you’re finally safe enough to feel.

Jung called this the descent into the unconscious
– the dark night that must be walked through before the true self can emerge.
It’s not regression
It’s re-integration

Your exhaustion is not weakness.
Your sadness is not proof you did the wrong thing.
Your confusion is not failure.

It’s the nervous system exhaling after years of holding its breath.

Let yourself fall apart.
This is the beginning of coherence – not the end of it.
You left or kicked him out for a reason.
And now your body gets to grieve what it never had the space to grieve before.

Freedom is not the absence of pain.
It’s the presence of truth.
And that truth is:
You were never meant to live in fear.

~ copied from quora

…the reason for the photo above is, I didn’t eat for weeks after I kicked him out. I couldn’t! Thinking about food made me sick. I did drink coffee and milk, and Carnation Instant Breakfast. After a while I forced myself to eat a bowl of cereal.

I honestly never ate all that much to begin with, now I’m pretty much back to eating like I was before he came into the picture and I wear a smaller pant size as well.

Being able to get back to what I love, namely my gardening, is the best feeling. I didn’t realize how much harm he was really causing until after the fact. I’m still dealing with some issues, but for the most part I’m back to my regular old self.

hope you have a great day!
thanks for stopping by!!